So little today

So little today...

I'm grown...but it doesn't feel that way

It's raining...clouds are out and the sky is grey

lights are off and my mind is traveling

all the lies are slowly unraveling

worlds colliding....a moment of insanity

all because of Ego, insecurity and vanity

So little and broken down

look like a fool....a performing circus clown

How did I fall this far?

was sure I was OK...a shooting star

Now it's all there..right in front of me

Love hurts.....sometimes....that's how it's supposed to be

A painful reminder that I can feel at all

I suppose the lesson..was worth the fall

pick myself up...no time to regret

Smile.....it's all a lesson......a challenge to be met.....

Step out into the rain..wash all the dark away

The sun is rising.....Today....is a fresh new day

Devil's smile wrapped on my wrist

Devils smile wrapped on my wrist

Life's irony the perfect twist

Laugh or cry?

Both come easily..no need to try

A lesson of compassion long in need

a broken heart...a runaway weed

Anger masking sadness

An artist gift..a look into madness

Love so deep and connected

Never to be together....too much expected

Only by duty...a higher call

Time to move into me ...recovering from the inevtable fall...

Wings still work....Like riding a bike

sometimes...what we need..isn't what we like...

Guess irony is a jagged pill...

Red or Blue..they both make you ill..

Time to fly into the center of it all...

With chaos comes order.....A lesson learned from the crash..the inevitable fall

The cycle runs in my blood...deep in the veins of my family tree

A battle of the story...the addict in me

a need to speak of the beast i met on my travels

the mystery of my existence slowly unravels

Stories of darkness and sin forgiven in the full moon light

no longer willing to control what I can not fight..

A night of spite...a black widows vanity

The outcome can only be a Van Gough insanity

acceptance of the choice....

In the asylum comes the motherly voice

Speaking softly bringing a much needed rest

Confirming what i always knew...it's all just a big test

Life moves on....a choice to make it new

The slate is clean....grow up little one....keep your chin up...It's OK 2 b u

No need to dig deeper into the pain of an improper touch

pain only comes down on everyone when u use it as a crutch

The doors are open you can leave the asylum halls

you 'll be fine...just remember everyone....... falls

I told u i loved u from the start

came down into the matrix..... U didn't think i had a heart

couldn't tell you of our higher mission

you couldn't c....u wouldn't listen

I tried to tell you........that u could fly

you couldn't deal....i wouldn't cry

so here we sit apart from the calling

my wings are clipped....I'm afraid I'm falling

Can you hear me...away in the dark air

I swear in the midnight hour....i can feel you there...

How did we drift so far away?

When all I really wanted...was to take your cares away?

I"m looking in the mirror...I accept my part...

there is no answer.....there's just a new start

The Night has Brought a New Day

The night has brought a new day

the sun and the moon... just love and work that way...‡

All comes together..even when it's apart

Pieces of a puzzle put together only with your loving heart?

A moment of darkeness...a seemingly endless pain

all made better now....an understanding of why I felt completly insain

The choice was mine..I went left.. when I should have turned right

Back on track...the dark has brought back my light

Extreme pieces of a puzzle....written and made my me

Put back together....now it's time 2 just wait and c...

Surrendered the control...just let it go with love...

Tonight....I recieved the long awaited answer....it came from above...

Why am I here?....what am I supposed to do?

"Love....forgive...and just be U"

"Ok"..I said...to my higher voice

Happiness really is as simple as that....a personal choice

Pieces of a puzzle....coming together..after all the pain

Cleansed once again by home... the Oregon rain....

This extreme puzzle...finally found her middle...

A grown woman.....who admittedly used to feel so embaressing little...

Gave myself a big hug and kiss...

Not one more minute of this great ride...do i want 2 miss...

Put back the pieces...of a heart turned to stone

The dark brought the light...A new path has been shown...

Death brings life...change never ends

Here's 2 my family...here's 2 my friends...

Thank you all for loving me tride and true...

My pieces are put back together now...Bcuz... well.. becuz I have U....!!!♥

My new found Heart

††In the ADDICT....Looking at old pictures I didn't know I had

Forgot why I rebelled...forgot why I got so fucking mad

They say youth is wasted on young...

A story not written...a song yet sung

I carried my pain.....a chip on my shoulder

i realize it was my imagination....however..i couldn't c this until i was older

my extremes.... needed time to heal

my light and dark...too seperated....no ability to feel

this however is no excuse for my childish ways....

I feel the sting of my choices...the past is gone..but the sting ..it stays

Another lesson learned....another turn of the wheel...

a heart filled with love....no masks...i come to u real

I surrender my truth at your feet with grace...†

the light of your forgiveness....i feel it warm on my heart...as u touch my face

My childhood pain...never was true..

Everyone was just doing the best they knew how to do...

Now i move forward.....into the light

the darkness isn't worth the effort...it's not worth the fight...

I no longer where my badge of anger...to cover my sadness

No more excuses...4 my self inflicted VanGough madness

Time to grow up and tell of my travels...

this is my story...thank you for being my friend as it slowly unravels....

my dark and my light....each have a story to tell....

only this time around....no need for anger..no need to yell

The sun is rising....the new day has found her start....

a new found found feeling...4ever in my new found heart....

I choose love...I choose the light..

No longer willing to participate in battle.... i never wanted to fight..

I had to lie

I had to lie…..that’s the truth of the situation

I came real….u fell into infatuation

Could’nt believe I could love you….girls like me don’t come home for dinner

Too strong, too dark, and to some the worst of sinner

I admit I wear my anger to cover my sadness

How do you forgive a mans weakness…….and prevent your own madness?

An improper touch….a preditorial lust

A broken little girl….faking all trust

Dying to love a man who won’t abuse or betray

It’s funny……we really do choose the foundations we lay

Around the wheel one more time

shaking free of the darkness that manifests my own mental crime

You gotta grow up and face the voice you hear in the mirror

All becomes brighter..most definately clearer……

Confession lifts the weight off your back

all is well when forgiveness is what guides your life’s track

It’s hard I admit…I want to kill and mame all who preditorally hurt

Dig the hole…throw them away….under 10 feet of dirt

It’s in my blood…. it’s in my family tree

I now officially break the chains of thee…

No more hold on my feminine power

I send you into forgivness……a mirrored tower

Far way from me and the choices I make

A breath of fresh air……….A new journey every step I take…

Ready to go public…..No fear of you anymore….

Now all will KNOW the TRUTH…..It was just easier to call me WHORE

No one knew you caused this pain

It was just easier to call me lazy, rebellious and insane

I kept your secret locked deep in the halls of my childhood mind

Away…far away so noone could possibly find

Became miss perfect……not a problem at all

Until that dark night…..the inevitable fall

The flood gates were open….Avirgin NO MORE

A young girl….becoming a woman…..A THREAT……THE WORLDS WHORE

Affraid my truth will ruin your lie?

Your right…..it will…and i don’t even have to try….

Your soul is crumbleing right before your eyes….

Look in the mirror…that’s what a soul looks like right before it dies…..

I’ve learned a lesson….I have paid a price for my knowledge

Different school of books…different kind of college

Went underground to beat the devil at his own game

I got my answers…..no one left to blame

Not a victim….No reason to fear

Going public…..Just hope they are ready to hear……

How the BLOOD…..changes it all…..

A young girl…into a woman…..answering GODS call†